In April of 2005, by a grace I don’t think I will ever truly understand, I surrendered to the truth of my life: that I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I surrendered because I couldn’t control when I drank or how much I drank. Drinking, thinking about my next drink, and trying to outrun my hangover were the most important parts of my day. More important than my family and friends—more important than my work—more important than my self-worth and my dignity.
Admitting that I was powerless was an act of surrender, and it was the moment of my liberation. I was always taught to never give in, to never give up, to never, ever surrender to anyone or anything. What I have come to know in recovery is that surrendering to the truth of my addiction has been the most empowering act of my life.
Note: As the Twelfth Tradition of Twelve-Step recovery reminds us, "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities." The editors and authors of This Day in Recovery chose not to provide individual attributions in order to respect this tradition. This meditation appears for March 3 in that book.