Spirituality, very basically, is the way we all experience life by striving to make meaning, to find hope, and to feel safe. How do we make meaning of the good things as well as the difficult things that happen to us? Do we rely on friends, family, Allah, Jesus, God, universal love, or a walk in the woods? When we’re overwhelmed, what we once relied on may not help us, and we may experience spiritual and emotional chaos, pain, and distress....
A while ago, I visited with a mother whose eight-month-old baby boy had Down syndrome. He was in the hospital for a respiratory infection and was doing fine, but the mother had requested a chaplain, as she was still struggling with accepting all she had been handed when her son came into her life. She told me, “I’m a ‘Type-A’ personality—everything has always been perfect for me. When I was pregnant with him, I spent an hour in prayer every morning to ensure that this baby would be born healthy. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I eat right, I exercise. Why did this happen?”
For quite some time, I listened to her ask “why,” her pain—her spiritual pain—evident on her face and in her voice. As I listened, I heard in her words my own litany around my personal struggles. How many times do I, like parents and patients, ask, “Why is this happening to me?”
As I listened to this mother’s words of pain and longing, the words that came to me were “I hear what you're asking, and I know I ask the ‘why’ question, too. But I’ve never heard a good answer to that question. I wonder if we’re asking the wrong question. I wonder if our energy would be better spent asking ‘how’? How do we live with what we’ve been given? How are you going to love and care for this child?” The mother took this in, then began to smile. “Yes,” she said, “I believe that’s right—it’s the how and not the why. Figuring out the why doesn’t really help me. My work is to figure out the how.” Now I see this mom and her son periodically when they come in for clinic appointments. She is loving and caring and even joyful with her sweet son. They are both well and happy and figuring out the how just fine.
from “Suffering, Faith, and Hope at a Children’s Hospital,” pp. 65–76 in The Call to Care: Essays by Unitarian Universalist Chaplains (Karen L. Hutt, ed.). This excerpt taken from pp. 66–67.