“Please swallow your pride / if I have things you need to borrow
for no one can fill / those of your needs / that you won’t let show.
Lean on me…”
—Bill Withers, “Lean on Me,” a song used to help veterans talk about trust in Chaplain Rina’s moral injury group
I often encounter veterans living with trauma on the inpatient psychiatric unit where I work as a chaplain along with a team of psychiatrists, psychologists, nurses, and social workers. We try to create an environment where veterans can let themselves feel, and get in contact with what they need to heal.
I do not diagnose; I accompany and listen, offering theological reflection and spiritual practices to help veterans try to accept all the parts of who they are now: the person hidden underneath the drugs and alcohol; the fear and rage.
The majority of our veterans are Christian, and many have a concept of an all-powerful God. The idea of God’s judgment, and Heaven and Hell, are very real to them. Those who identify as “spiritual but not religious” often feel unworthy of living in society, and they self-isolate.
In both cases, these veterans experience a profound disconnect between who they are now, and who they were before their time in the military. There’s been no opportunity to integrate the different parts of the Self. These veterans have lost their sense of being part of a unit: the strong camaraderie; belonging to something bigger than oneself; order; and a mission to complete—a purpose. Readjustment is difficult.
My responsibility is being with these veterans as they try to piece their spiritual selves back together. In our individual meetings, we explore mindfulness, prayer, writing, and art to help them process their questions and fears and hopes for the future. In our moral injury groups, veterans explore emotions ranging from Hope, Trust, Shame, Anger, and Grief to acceptance, compassion and forgiveness.
In our groups, we use the story and image of kintsugi: the Japanese practice of repairing broken pottery with gold. The use of gold highlights one’s scars and adds the perspective that our broken places can be accepted, and they strengthen us. The emotional and spiritual scars of these veterans does not make them irreparable. Just as you and I are more than our suffering, so too is each veteran more than their suffering. Their brokenness does not need to be hidden; it can be beautiful. They are valuable and have purpose in this world. They still belong here.
Prayer
Mysterious Source of all Being, Spirit of Life and Spirit of Love, we open our hearts to receive the cries of the wounded in our beloved community. May we be strong enough to turn toward, not away from, the pain of wounded souls. May we wrap our arms around those longing to be held, knowing that we heal each other through love and acceptance. Amen.