“I wish for you… a season in which there is room for the complexities that occur during this time. A season of complicated memories, of happiness and pain, of comfort and loss, of disappointment and fulfillment…. A season of joy which also has room for sadness, because gladness and sorrow take place together.”
—Bruce Marshall
I felt a little sorry for myself that Christmas. After opting not to travel to see family, I scheduled myself to work the Sunday after Christmas. To console myself, I made plans with a friend for a fancy New Year’s Eve outing…and then my friend cancelled. I made it through the Christmas services. The next day, my cousin called to tell me that my aunt had died. He asked, Would I come to Tennessee to lead the memorial service?
The winter holidays are beautiful and celebratory; they’re also hard and complicated. The Christmas and Hanukkah stories contain grief and loss; struggle and pain. Winter solstice is the longest night in a cold and bare season. We often gloss over these parts to focus on the miracles. (The baby was born! The oil lasted eight nights! The sun returns!)
In recognizing the challenge in these stories, I’ve come to appreciate different miracles. When a couple expecting a child has nowhere to stay, the miracle is the Innkeeper who makes room for them. When people struggle to maintain their home and faith, the miracle is the loved ones who support them. When the days turn short and the air cold, the miracle is the warmth of community and connection. These ordinary miracles happen because we make them happen, for ourselves and for each other.
Officiating a memorial service isn’t the same thing as a glitzy New Year’s Eve party, yet there we were, The service concluded, we gathered in the hotel bar: my parents, my brother, my uncle, my cousins and their spouses, and a few family friends. We ordered pizza and drinks, and sat around the table telling the funny, poignant, difficult, and not-safe-for-work stories that hadn’t made it into the memorial service.
Family is complicated and that was never more true than during the planning of my aunt’s memorial. Yet as the clock chimed midnight I looked around the table in wonder. My aunt was always the one who brought our family together and here we were, all gathered in grief and gladness, laughter and lament: one final beautiful and complicated miracle.
Prayer
Spirit of Love, Source of Hope, as the winter holidays come upon us, help us to find gratitude for the complexities of life. In the midst of loss and pain, may we find comfort and peace. In a season of joy, may we know that the light and warmth of community shines for all of us. Amen and Blessed Be.