Some of the best advice I ever received with this: "In whatever situation you find yourself, take what you need and leave the rest behind." Don’t waste your energy arguing. Just take what you need and leave the rest behind. Over the years, I’ve found this advice works not only for family gatherings and tweve-step meetings but for the larger project of spiritual living, too. And the best news of all: this taking what we need and leaving the rest behind isn’t only a one time thing. We can do it anytime. Looking back over our lives, we can hear the stories anew, choosing where to focus our attention and where to widen our view. We can let go of old ways of understanding that no longer serve us and we can wiggle our way free, becoming the meaning makers and the storytellers of our own lives. We get to choose what we need in a given moment. And what we need gets to change.